红蔷薇

I am surprised it's going by so quickly.

My youlth, the harder i try to hold it, the more it just slips throuth my fighers. And all the makeup and dim lighthing in the world can't seem to stop it. I'm not gonna to be old ever since I was a child. I've known that I was never gonna to see hundred. As far back as I can remember, a voice in my head said "live it up today because you're not gonna bave a lot of tommorrows"

I don't know much about love. I dabbled in it once or twice in my most beautiful fantasy. But it always semmed more trouble than it was worth. I told myself I wasn't missing much. But watching my friend all these years, how hard she've tried, how hurt she've been. But she still keep getting back up, she dust herself off, then she try again. Maybe I am missing something, maybe it is worth it.

However love dosen't happen to everyone. I'm someone who never went out and looked for love. I assumed it would find me. But it didn't, I lost my best years. Now, I claim that I'm celibate, celibacy is lonely. I'm so afraid that one day I die in an apartment, without anybody knowing, only accompanied by my old cat.